Have you ever found that sometimes the people closest to us can be our greatest challenges?
When Chris and I first started working together in our real estate business in San Francisco almost 17 years ago, we’d been married for almost 5 years by that point and I used to always ask him “What are you doing?”
That seems like a relatively innocuous question, however I was asking it because I wanted to know what he was doing—and then assess whether what he was doing was what I considered to be important.
I know. Yikes!
For many of us control and love are very tightly overlapping. We don’t really realize that we’re controlling or being controlled by another because we’ve learned, often from our family dynamics or the culture we grew up in, and influenced by our distortion patterns, that that’s the way love is.
In this week’s episode of Mastering Your World Through Frequencies (#103) “What’s Love Gotta Do With It” Dennis and I are talking about distorted love: how to know when you’re controlled by it, how to distinguish it from true love, and how to transcend it.
The free GFC (Group Frequency Calibration®) at the end will begin to help clarify the distinction between the two on frequency level so you can have more awareness of both and start to pull away from what you don’t want.
Without clearing these distortion patterns, we can stay mired in control because we mistake it for love.
Let’s rise together.
In our culture, we assume that if two people have a close relationship, it’s only about love. But control tends to creep into a lot of close relationships. Because we love somebody, it’s easy to think that we know what’s best for them. Soon we begin to try to impose our will over that person (or vice versa). Patterns of control and fear take over. This is distorted love.
Distorted love looks like a close relationship, but when looked at closely there are a lot of “shoulds”, guilt, and obligation imposed on one person by another. This dynamic often distorts into patterns of fear and control.
Control in relationship often happens because we fear loss in some way: we fear the other person will leave us, so there’s a need to bind them to us. As you remove distortion patterns, you’ll notice a diminishing need to control the other person — and less tolerance for control when it’s exerted upon you. Your sense of completeness won’t hinge on the other people in your relationships.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t doing frequency work, there are a couple of possibilities on how the relationship dynamic may shift as you clear distortion patterns. Your partner may either move along with you, gaining internal strength and shaking off a need to control. Or they may feel threatened and double down on exerting their control.
When we impose our ideas of what’s best on another, it can be a slippery slope. It doesn’t take long for your will to oppress someone else’s. This is an opportunity for you to look at the relationships you have and see where this dynamic might be playing out.
It becomes harder for a person to ascend when they’re oppressing someone else with their will: it’s not neutral, and it’s a very ego-based practice. If it seems like you might be doing this, examine why you’re vested in thinking that your way is the right way. Look at your attachment to the rulesets you’ve created for others. Where can you become more neutral?
It’s difficult to release these patterns through mental practices or techniques. Distorted love often has strong roots in our lineage and cultures — it’s usually extremely entrenched. Listening to the GFC, ideally multiple times, will help release control and fear patterns faster, pushing you toward neutrality in relationships.